Goodbye for a while, Social Media

Social media is shitty for mental health, this idea is pretty ubiquitous now. People know it does nothing for self-esteem, and it distracts you from your real life, the life you’re actually living, for the one you’re trying to portray. It can leave you thinking how inadequate your life is and how you’re supposed to be living up to something you know really you can’t fulfil.

I’m not just talking about the way bodies are shown, how the standard of beauty is taken to such an impossible standard, that we are left questioning what the fuck we can do to improve ourselves to live up to these images. Moreover it prioritises the external: how we can seem cooler, politically-engaged, popular, free-spirited, and how ‘easy’ life is.

Talking to my friend the other day, she mentioned how weird it is when you consider first impressions of someone, and how this contrasts to the way you think about them after you’ve got to know them properly. Talking of when she first met me, she exclaimed that I seemed too ‘cool’ to be her friend, and that she had come to that conclusion from looking at my Instagram. She then laughed and said now that she knows me, this impression makes her laugh because I’m at least as uncool as her (ha).

The point is that so many of us put across an image of ourselves that is fake. We also just pit ourselves up against images that make up about 1% of what our lives really consist of. Or, we compare ourselves to people who are living the most privileged lives possible, whose lives are also curated to fuck.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been having an amazing time travelling, but in all honesty, there’s a lot to be said for the times travelling isn’t great, and for the days you feel like shit.

Some friends from home aren’t feeling their best, and they’ve told me how jealous they are of me and what I’m experiencing. Is that supposed to make me feel good? I’m not saying social media is to blame for that completely, but it doesn’t help if the content is making my own friends (who I am sharing my experiences with), feel shitter about their own lives.

We all know a curated profile doesn’t allow for days that we feel like shit, and this can make you feel like a fraud, leaving you wanting people to know that everything isn’t always amazing.

I doubt I’m the only one who feels that there is a pressure for every activity to be documented and shared when travelling. I am not saying this is wrong, I’m just saying that it’s dull as shit sometimes. People are literally dying to get photos for Instagram.

It’s good to keep family and friends updated, which is primarily the reason I’ve been doing it - because I’m bad at keeping in contact with everyone in the way I want to, but I’m talking about the darker side to deciding what is shared.

I am not writing this as a woe-me piece. I know how lucky I am to be travelling and this problem is insignificant in the scheme of things. I’m writing this because of how I’ve been feeling recently and I honestly think that having such easy access to everything on social media is not helping.

There is a conflict between wanting to be completely present (not looking at social media at all), and wanting to portray how amazing travelling can be, how incredible the world can be and how beautiful some people you meet along the way are.

So I’ve decided that I’m quitting social media for a bit. Except this blog, where I want to write about things I’m feeling and experiencing; and which is different to the issue I’m raising. I’m not sure how long for, but I’m planning to focus on what’s happening where I am, and letting my head go through the feelings and emotions that it needs to, without this distraction.

In 50 years’ time, I doubt I’ll look back at this time and think about how happy I was with how many fucking likes I got on a photo. Frankly none of it matters, does it?

My Thoughts as a Solo Female Traveller So Far: Experiencing Female Solidarity, Acknowledging the Privilege of Travel

Female Solidarity:


I been travelling around South East Asia for just under two months, and I’ve had some unforgettable experiences. One thing that has become prominent in my journey so far, is my ever-growing admiration for other solo female travellers. It seems normal now, for a woman to experience travelling independently, but actually it still involves, to an extent, a certain rebellion: a breaking-away from the idea that women can’t be alone or self-sufficient. I say this as someone from a fairly liberal bubble, where I am not the first woman I know to have travelled alone. But that doesn’t mean that there’s not at least a general consensus that we, as women alone, are taking a ‘risk’ being alone, and that’s because we are. But the point is that we’re doing it anyway. Because it should be safe, and I hope that one day women won’t have to face the inevitable worry for their safety (which is also existent wherever we are, not just when we’re travelling).

Speaking to other women when travelling, there seems to be a general agreement about this idea. Admittedly, I’m not venturing off the beaten path just yet, and so I am not doing anything other women haven’t being doing for a good few years. But the solo women who I’ve met along the way have reinforced why it’s so important to keep challenging societal norms. There’s a sense of solidarity when we talk to each other, of encouragement, ‘go girl’ rather than questioning whether it’s a good idea. 

We experience shit that worries us, of course we do, like being spiked which is beyond our control, but we don’t live in fear of that happening. Awareness is key, I agree, but should that stop us?

I know that solo male travellers also face issues of safety, but not in the same way. 

Across the world, norms and attitudes towards gender differ, and I know how lucky I am to be able to do this at all. I also realise that countries in Southeast Asia are safer than many other countries in the world and so more accessible. 

When I speak to girls who are also travelling alone, we understand each other’s language: we know what the risks are, what the perceptions about it are, but we do it anyway. I also find it interesting that when travelling, when completely independent, women are disproving so many lazy stereotypes: were showing that we do have control of the spaces we enter and we do have autonomy. 

There’s no sense of competition, we encourage each other, and inspire each other. One of the main reasons I saved up for a year to go travelling is because one of my best female friends, who did the same and encouraged me to follow, accurately convinced me that it would change my life and be the best thing I’d do. The women I’ve met along the way so far are inspiring me, opening up new thought channels, making me see things in a different way. It’s an incredible feeling and just shows that the idea that we’re constantly attempting to get one up on each other is a fallacy. I also love that when travelling, appearances don’t count as a form of standardising women in the same way as they do at home. 

Privilege:

But most importantly, I’m aware that those who travel are incredibly privileged to be able to spend a chunk of their lives as tourists, only a small percentage of the world are able to do that. As I said, most travellers I meet exist within an educated and liberal context. Not only that, but I have seen barely any backpackers that are POC. It’s overwhelmingly white, and I realised throughout writing this that even being able to write as a solo female traveller I’m in a vast minority. I was born being white, I’m able-bodied and into a situation where I’m able to work and earn money and save. I’m aware that being able to travel is something that is in no way owed to me, and with all of the Instagram photos and even this blog I’m questioning whether writing about things like this is the best use of my time. 

This doesn’t take away from the fact that throughout my trip so far I’ve met people (and many amazing women as I’ve been describing) who inspire me, challenge me and make me question myself and my values. I also don’t want to take away from the fact that the only way I was able to save money was by living in my employer’s house and being a nanny to two children (far from a career choice, and not what I would’ve done if I didn’t want to save to come away). So it’s not that I’ve been handed it all on a plate, but society is set up for me to do well: without facing many barriers I’m able to pursue this goal. I don’t come from a family of travellers: being able to ‘travel’ is a luxury, it’s something that really became a huge thing to do for millennials, I think. It’s something I’ve found myself often thinking about whilst I’ve been away, and not for a minute do I take any of these experiences for granted. 

I aim to learn as much as I can from my travels, including how I can be conscious and self-aware in the world, instead of simply investing in the tourist traps that mostly only attract other white travellers, and instead of going to countries simply to connect with others like myself. There’s an incredible sense of entitlement in the world of travelling (broadly speaking). I’m not perfect, and I’m not quite sure what the best solution is, I’ve only just begun.

P.s. There’s a blog post I discovered after writing this, which explores White Privilege more, and which I find insightful: 

https://candidkelly.com/2018/01/10/backpacking-can-be-disheartening-or-how-white-privilege-and-entitlement-can-ruin-travelling/